Alchemist, Life, Magic, magik, Tragic Love

I am…….MEtAtRON (Bi$%#s) WHAT NOW?- Re-Born Legend (Part I)


I had a vision, I felt the knocking, it would not stop. The voice shouted, “What are you afraid of?” I stood up trembling, weeping, ready for the death. I walked slowly the the door, growing fainter, the cold rush freezing more and more as I got nearer. The door seemed far from where I was, or so it seemed. The keys, I could not forget those, I rushed back without thinking, rather feeling. The knock this time did not terrify me, for this knock was not one of the unjust. I walked still slowly, the momentum kept me curious, what was I to lose? There was nothing to lose, there was all to gain. Some other unfamiliar but warm energy had knocked this time. “I deserve love.” I shouted. “I deserve my power back, that to which has been taken from me, that which belongs to me shall be given back and more, do not forsaken me.” Tears streaming down my face, I could not fathom what was actually in the midst of this moment for which I could not believe I had been chosen. “My door is open, come in, you are welcome.” The light embarked so brightly at just the creek of the opening to my door. “It is now, you know your calling, shall you choose to come to the light and leave the darkness?” I could not see who was there, I knew with my knees trembling the light to which very few are able to see. “I AM READY, I am to complete the purpose to that of enlightenment, for the collective, I am part of the solution, I authorize and have the power to be begot those who are part of the problem, they serve me no purpose. I will shed thy light from within so that all SHALL SEE, even the blind, if so they choose.” The door opened completely. The light filled inside of me, the hand took me, all I needed were my 3 keys, that is all I took. Wherever I was going, wherever this was all leading to, I knew. For I knew, I felt from every cell of my body, the other half as well, this was profound. “LOVE AWAITS YOU, IN ABUNDANCE AND PROSPERITY, VICTORY IN YOUR ENDURANCE, PEACE IN YOUR WAKING, AND MANY BLESSINGS.” I could see again, I could not remember the last time I could, most importantly, I was REBORN.

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I smiled.

 

I cannot remember the last time I smiled.

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I did not remember this.

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Now My Soul is infinite.

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Oh Father, you saved me.

“Dearest One, you know thy word, it is written, what is yours?”

Well, I do not have one as of this moment. I can declare that it is that which reflects you father.

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“Creation, build, just be. What are your intentions?”

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To be an example of love.

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“From what I have taught you, life, which is the best teacher from down there, you have learned. Will you teach what I have tested you with, will you remember, will you forget me?”

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I have learned father. I still have more work to do through the teaching of life, to which you have created. I keep building thus empire, I am the EMPEROR.

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“Not so fast and potent now, an EMPEROR, now that is a seth if not profound self disciplinary position and role. You are of that essence, can you be the example?”

Yes, even through fear, even in all this which is, I am strong. I am building my Empire, thy put together the foundation to which I plant the seed. The seed will grow into the structure of the order, it to shall fruit and branch off of one another.

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“You are clever, do you not know thy shadow. Do you not know your inner workings, have you been loyal, yes. You do as the inner working have written. You do that, you will reap rewards, it is not time of play, you have work to do, plenty.”

What is it you so indicate father?

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“I weep not for you, but for what is to come. You cannot go back, if you surrender to your purpose, you will not make it. I weep because I know, I know so well that this purpose, in this lifetime, is one of thy shadow through the exit, you must embrace your shadow so that you may heal.”leahmia0043da

What is it that I need healing. Father I have healed.

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“The outer workings of the external lie and continue to confuse you, you are not blind. I took you up with me so that you can remember. You have not, It is not expected, not unexpected. Choose wisely at love, unconditional love. This is your last chance at love, so choose wisely. The set one and the scorn one. You will know for it is of the inner workings that must be learned. Joyful or not, you must obtain. I must deliver you to which you chose to consolidate your workings, you may go from there. We are always watching you.”

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Life, LOVE has NO logic, Tragic Love

ENTROPY- e.t.c. If Love Had Logic (Embrace.The.Chaos)


ENTROPYe.t.c.

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IF LOVE HAD LOGIC, GOD WOULD NOT SEIZE TO EXIST, IF LOGIC WAS LOVE, WE WOULD BE DECEASED.

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LOVE HURTS IN A NON ABRASIVE WAY, IT KEEPS YOUR HEART GOING WHEN THE WORLD KEEPS ON STILL GOING. LOVE SEIZES TO EXIST ONLY THOSE WITH HEARTS OF GOLD AND THE FREE MEN LOOK AT THE SUN FOR PROTECTION. THE SUN DOES NOT KEEP ONE ALIVE DUE TO THE LIGHT, YOUR HEART OPENS YOUR INNER LIGHT AND SHINES MUCH MORE BRIGHTER. WE ALL DESERVE TO LOVE EVEN WHEN WE DO NOT FEEL LOVED. DEATH IS THE ULTIMATE WISH UPON THOSE WHO CANNOT CARRY THEIR HEART OUT OF THE MIND, FREE YOUR MIND, LISTEN TO YOUR HEART BECAUSE ONE DAY IT CAN STOP BEATING.

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∇ Embrace.The.Chaos. 

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Pain. The feeling of Love and Hope, embracing the fall. My death wish is sentenced by the inability of the inevitable shattered glass heart I may perpetuate.

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 “Automatic Suicide”—> You die beneath the surface of all the people whom once seemed familiar, they become dead to you. There is a part of you that is there, the other is not coming back, everyone knows….everyone has too much respect to mention or speak of the dying Love burning externally in plain sight.

 

It is not a feeling I feel the ones capable of love deserve, not ever. I do not feel people have given my Love a chance, I mean, that is what I have to offer but it is not enough. I have given money, many material items including designer fashion items not because I want their love or attention but for the sake of Love and my Love for them. I gave it without expecting, it puts a smile on my face to see those I love happy. I am dying, if I do not go out for a day and just stay at home I immediately begin to feel suicidal ideation. I begin pacing, cleaning, lots of cleaning, it distracts me, not so much the pacing. Thoughts, thoughts cannot be thought, must keep cleaning, do the laundry, one…two…three times, even three times in a row, even if it is clean, clean can never be clean enough. The pacing starts becoming excruciating, I begin to not know what to do but freeze and become completely paralyzed.

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 What is wrong with me. I do not ever feel like this towards anyone, I am too much of a jerk and cold to be caring, so much to the point that I long for his closeness. But I hate him, I really do. Such hate that the night watchers perpertrate and initiate that part of destruction towards this person. So cold, so emotionless, expressionless…….only at night this happens. It is a twisted polar paradigm that comes out of the shadows from my subconciouncous at all hours of the night, keeping me up so long to the point I pass out without remembering. I wake up in the most akward position, on top of my pillows, blankets all over the floor, cell phone in my hand not remembering how I fell asleep and why all those blankets are all over the floor.

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Each day becomes darker, the embedded subconscious thoughts from nighttime are becoming clearer and clearer each day. Causing me to become a monster, causing that Villain to come out of me again, only this time it is stronger. I do not plan things, they just happen. My  parents got the one two punch of the day, I barred them 6 feet underground. The villain triumphed, I was protected from either being killed by my father or ending up in the Looney Bin. The Night watchers fell into my lap and I was 85 pounds, not eating, locked up in my room like a lion in a cage, no heat, no internet to make money from my online business just out of being a petty sadist that my “caregiver” alcoholic father is.

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“ITS ALL ABOUT CONTROL.” The screaming kept on going, the sick feeling in my stomach, my instincts felt if I was not to leave I would be dead. FATALITY. Weird imagery, symbols, and madness struck me. I mean Deprivation has many psychological and psychical effects.

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.For one, my body was starving. With my broken jaw and all, I mean, it was difficult to chew or eat, I was hungry but I did not feel it. A lion in a cage will not eat, they sit still. My room consisted of a twin sized cherry wood framed sleigh bed, a night stand, a closet, a window, and a door.

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I do not remeber what had taken over me or remember what got me up in the middle of the night to sneak out and run away. I packed two bags, the essentials, without thinking. it was as if I was not the one packing, it felt almost this enforced survival perpertrated energy emitting in my room. I had to be very quiet, I could not wake up the entities, one male, one female (hybrid). I will explain the hybrid notion, do not worry, just keep reading, it gets better for you, not so much for me.

 

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I put their house key on top of the kitchen table because I knew the minute I walked out of that door in the freezing -40 degree winter blizzard they would me to give the house key back. They think I am always joking when all of a sudden I pull a Rambo on them.

 

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F%$k you B$#&es!! I win!!!! As Always!

 

I heard the two entities get up, I opened the door to the gates of darkness, there was no turning back. I realized, I rather enter the darkness as opposed to being in hell for eternity. It was not even a difficult choice, the blizzard was a joke compared to the way I had been treated, the domestic abuse, the isolation, the control, the verbal abuse, the choking, the madness. Those are not parents, why would I deprive my own self dignity and respect to people who spit on me, that is not love, it is pure evil.

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They come up to the door I was already past the driveway down the block, I did not look behind but I heard these words I will never forget. “Look Diana is walking with no proper clothing for this ice cold weather, oh who does she think she is, poor baby, look at her, poor baby.” Those words came out of my “Mothers” mouth, how kind. Both of them laughing at me, mockingly. All I had was my dignity, my strengh, God, and myself. “Keep walking” the angel said to me, I still did not look back  I just kept walking, keep going feet was all I could think, I did not even feel the piercing ice cold attack on my lungs, I knew I could not breath. “Keep going feet, do not stop, you are not going to stop, feet keep moving forward.” I heard them both still laughing at me, mocking….those famous last words my father said, “Do not worry, she will be back right away…” If I could have laughed in that moment I would have, my focus was primarily on keeping those feet moving. No money, no food, no shelter, feet keep moving. My phone rang, it was my best friend.

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“Diana, how are you, what’s up?”….I paused for a second the words all came out suddenly. “Oh, just walking, I left my parents house, I am sick of them, I have two bags packed, I have had enough, either I die or I get put in the mental hospital.” There was a long pause, he knew exactly what was going on, he knew exactly the way my parents were, he knew I did not deserve the way they treated me, he knew me very well.

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“Are you okay..?” I heard the stuttering and disbelief in his voice, so concerned and there I was walking with two bags, completely numb,not caring what was to occur because I just escaped hell. That question struck me in a predominat way, it was foreign, I did not have an answer in my heart. I hesitated. “I am almost at the MacDonalds by your house, I know you are at the bar, I will get a hotel or something, I can talk my way out of anything.”\

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It was as if I had that warrior still in me but deserved to now be healed from the battle I had faced, and be rewarded. “No Diana, you are coming with me. You are staying at my place ok, you do not deserve what they have done to you. I cannot believe you are walking in the middle of the night to the McDonalds near my house, you can no longer do anything, you are strong man, holy s%$t, let me cab it to you, stay at the McDonalds and we will cab it to my place, please stay there until I am there.”

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Despite me feeling so numb, I still felt the light and saw the light from the darkness. I smiled, with great gratitude I said, “Thank you, God bless you, I appreciate this so much, I love you.”

“Your welcome Diana, I love you to.”

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That Dark night was the darkest night of my life, you see, I still found the light.

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Life, Tragic Love

LOVE SHAKESPEARE TRAGEDY PART I- BY D.


∏∇♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ LOVE♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥NOIR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥HEARTBREAK ASYLUM♥♥♥♥♥TRAGIC

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LOVE SHAKESPEARE TRAGEDY PART I-By D.♥

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φπΨ∞‰∅- For all those suffering the Tragic Death of Love, you are a brave soul. For those lost in it, be thankful because….when it….. is….. gone………it….is…………

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My deepest Blog Post, now people really get to know Miss D. Even all the 
haters that come along with it. For all those who cost my energy pain, let me embrace you, I got a lot for you to talk about now. 
I had to say that, there are really rude, senseless people whom cannot wait for my fall in Death, seriously....I am not joking. 
Think about it this way...if I was such a happy girl, I would not be a 
writer, I would not be able to sing, I would not be able to paint, I would
not be able to write music THAT HAS BEEN STOLEN FROM ME (oh, believe me I will get to that, don't you worry), I would not be blessed with talent, 
I would not be ART. For every blessing you have there is a curse,
the bigger the blessing the greater the curse, my point in theory.

Now,how does one feel when both love and your Art were taken away?

...............broken.

I get this knotted feeling in my stomach, it does not go away. I do not 
talk about it with anyone because last time I did, I spoke to 
someone whom does not appreciate art (useless), they did not
comprehend. I will not denounce them, I figured D, calm down
WRITE ABOUT IT. So, I got told, I actually listened, and 
my muse, once again...is right.
Moving along now. 

  I am left without my BLACK BOOK, the second album I wrote as well
as the very first. How tragic, yes, even more so....broken. From head
to toe, broken. I feel lost in this mixed fairytale of my much
beautiful art pieces, all in a big castle I see a big broken room, 
and look out the window and see a broken down gate that was once
sealed, locked, so tightly shut, now...opened with ease. My god.
I weep, all hours of the day, all hours of the night, in my dreams,
in my nightmares, god, what hath he done to me??? 



What he hath done to me, cometh the day thy will regret unto thee.


I am not joking, this is not a game. I feel devastated. 
I did not know the feeling of shock could last this long.
I cannot breath, it is as though my every breath I take 
is more difficult, more painful, more agonizing..
A riddler, a fake, A LIE, a loser.
You did this to me.
I rather he killed me holding my Beautiful Black Book,
The prestige sonnets, the immaclulate poetry, the 
prospering art felt passages of my truth, my passages
as my referances of memories I must remember
due to my brain injuries after my near death experience 
after my car accident in April of 2012, I should have 
died holding it in my arms as I once did after 
I did on April 20, 2012. 
I felt death all over me on that sinister day, the 
paramedics asked me on that tragic day, "Is there anything out of
your vehicle you need, which, due to the impact will be seized 
it is no longer drivable." 
I remember my chest feeling too tight to breath but had 
just enough retraction and energy to mutter, "Black....
book." I put my hands to my chest as if I was already holding it, my eyes, wide but dead. "Umm, a black book, is there a friend or someone 
you know that can come and get it?" I instantly grabbed
the paramedics own cell phone and dialled my loyal friend. 
I handed back the phone quickly to the paramedic, "Two minutes."
I gestured. The paramedic looked at me and just did not know how to handle this girl who he knew survived the drastic car accident but had died 
on the inside. Horrified he responded, "Is there anything else we should 
tell your friend to get out of your vehicle, I mean....." 
"NOOOO...just the book is all." He was making me angry because
he was asking me to describe something I knew my friend knew
exactly what it was I needed and what it meant.
In two minutes my friend came, the paramedic with his latex gloves on
starts walking up inside the ambulance I quickly get up and snatch it out
of his hands, and clenched it so tightly to my heart. 
The Paramedic did not say a word on the way to the hospital, he knew
better. He felt how much it meant to me, but did not understand why.
That struck him, made him think, observe, to try and understand that 
no matter who came into my reach would have to kill me before snatching
the Black Book I held in my arms, clenched to my heart, protected.

Now it is 2016, I did not lose the book, IT WAS STOLEN. 
It is 2016 and I died on April 20, 2012 but have come back to life 
for someone whom I lost. 
Only this one person whom I have lost can hold it and give me 
back this book however, the person whom has stolen it cannot...
NOW, you tell me, what is one supposed to do. This is too much for me.
I cannot write anymore, my insanity is kicking in, just note...
THIS IS NOT the end.

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